Backseat II

14Sep08

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

—

 Dear *,

I really do love you. I do. Really. Yes, I’m repeating it. I’m trying to emphasize in case you think I’m at a loss for words. That’s not the case. I just need to make sure that you understand that you’re the most important person in my life. Only a few other people come close, but you’re on a pedestal alone. I know for sure that you know exactly what I mean.

I’m not blocking you off, darling. That really isn’t it. You taught me to grow my own wings, to become a butterfly: independent and free in thought. I have. I’ve grown my own wings with you by my side, and now, I want to color them… alone. There’s a lot out there for me to do. I’m grateful for what you’ve done to/for me. Every little bit changed me drastically… and it’s because of you that I am who I am. The most dominant things in my personality are things you’ve nurtured and encouraged. I’m thankful that you were there for me to lean on and learn from. You’re a lot more than you think. You mean a lot to me. You’re my magician. And you’re magic has brought me together during the hardest and happiest of times. It’s time that I learn to live without it. I think I’ve taken a lot from you. And now, it’s time for me to give back to you. How? I’ll tell you in a bit.

Thing haven’t exactly been great between us recently. I know. Rough times that fall on both our shoulders have made it this way. I’m taking it as a sign that we should end the little adventures. You’ll always be my human sanctuary, the human manifestation of almost everything I’ve learned up until this point in life, and most importantly, my idol. We’ll still have the talks, discussions, and shared moments. It won’t be the same. We both know that. I’m just saying it out loud in my mind, putting it in my writing here, in my outlet, the reflection of my mind. One you helped me create and advance in. Everything goes back to you. Which brings me back to paying you back for everything…

I’ll pay you back by becoming the person you’ve always wanted me to become. I finally understand what was really behind everything you ever said and acted upon. I’m on my way there. And even when I get there, I’ll make sure I take it further in a direction you would approve of. That doesn’t mean I’m using your idea of the person I should become as a guideline because I realized that it’s what I want as well. I’m welcoming the idea I opposed so much at one point. You know how it is.

I love you. I won’t say you’re big part of me… because you’re not. I’m my own person. But it’s safe to say that you’ve made me understand that I’m an individual of my own, that I’ve created myself with your help. Am I starting to sound as wise as you are? Scared I’ll turn into you someday? I bet that’s exactly what you’re thinking… and to that, I say, “So what?”

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