All Shook Up


Dear *,
I want it to be tomorrow. I want it to be the day you realize how selfish you are. You know, when that day comes, I will be sure I will have more “times” with you. Hehe, I wonder why we call them “times” …do you know?
I can remember every moment I spent with you. I can imagine every moment I will spend with you. I cannot entertain the thought that I will be without you one day. Never. I used to be able to, but now, I just cannot. Don’t disappoint me.
What I really want is an explanation of why you are being so selfish. I mean, seriously? Do we have to go through the arguments and hurt every time we talk? Do I have to deny that I am crying even with the tears making their way down to my lips? Do I have to blink back how much I love you just so I hurt you enough into doing what you should do?
You keep telling me that I am not as selfish as I think I am, but you know what? You are more selfish than you think you are. How can you not see that this is affecting us all? We go through this together. Fingers crossed, the day will come when you realize that you are not the only person affected by this.
I always think old people are frustratingly nonsensical, but you always make sense to me. That is, you have always made sense to me until now. I do not understand one bit of it.
Please, I want more of the “times” we spend together. I want to carelessly shrug off the cold floor of your library against the flesh of my legs. I want to smell the coffee that I cannot drink and not curse you for drinking it. I want to smile at you knowingly across the table, sharing a moment where we simultaneously found the answer to a mystery that we have questioned millions of times. I want to have silent conversations with you about the cruel ways of the world and how we cannot change them. I want to make sure you understand every moment of silence we have ever had has a screaming significance behind it. I want to be able to tease you when you mix up theories and books and watch you laugh it off like it would stain my image of you. I want to listen to your singing of samris and recital of poetry from the jaheleya just to cheer me up. Please.
Why can’t you see that I am not myself with anyone as much as I am myself with you? You are one of the people who make me who I am. Your image in my perspective of life cannot be scarred by anything. You have hurt me before, but this is different. I will not let go of you easily. I can not talk to you for a while, but you know that will not last.
I just want you to know that you are part of my “everything” as you like to call it. Part of me worries, hurts, laughs, pretends, and dies with you. Do this for us if you are not willing to do it for yourself. Do not make me go through this again.
I love you no matter what. I love you beyond words. I love you beyond feelings. I love you more than to just sit and watch.
Your Polyhymnia
(I know you think I forgot, but I did not.)

17 Responses to “All Shook Up”

  1. 1 haj

    That made me cry!

    I’m sure he can’t say no after that ..

  2. 2 Big Pearls

    very touching

  3. 3 G and L

    amethyst u outdid yourself, yet again:)

  4. 4 Ahmed©

    me fellow men yfashloon, they bring so much misery to women , yet so much happiness and caring *if you managed to find the right one that is*

  5. 5 FourMe

    amethyst I read your posts word for word but this one I couldn’t read. I read the first 2 lines and I skipped it.

    3awrtay galby and I can’t handle anymore 😦 maybe one day when I’m a happier person I will come back and read it..

  6. 6 Amethyst

    Let’s hope so:)

    Big Pearls

    G and L

    Men are men ba3ad shensawi, ebtalashna fekum;p

    It’s okay.

    Kel ma I attempt to write a happy post, te6la3li salfa ydeeda.. Soon, inshallah:)

  7. 7 Purgatory

    Yeah I feel the same way too 🙂

  8. 8 Amethyst

    The same way about what?

  9. 9 F.

    As much as I’m in love with your writing…it’s getting pretty miserable around here…

    Cheer up love ;*

  10. 10 Amethyst

    Yeah, methel ma I told Fourme, kel ma I try to write something happy or neutral at least, something new comes up.

    Zooza was the victim of my ranting today. Poor unfortunate soul;p

    Oh, and the comic strips are complementing my mood and having Depression Week;)

  11. 11 Purgatory

    The same way you feel about me 🙂

  12. 12 Amethyst


    You never cease to amaze me:)

  13. 13 Bulletii

    ana ba6egah hatha 7agich eshloun chethe yesawi feech :@

  14. 14 Kaos


  15. 15 Amethyst


  16. 16 F.

    I didn’t mention that I love the art!

    I would so hang this in my lounge ;P

  17. 17 Amethyst

    Lol! So would I;p

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