"Am I?"

Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
I look in the mirror. It’s just a glance. No. It’s a stare, now. It’s a gaze. A gaze into the depths of myself. The self that I thought I knew so well. Ha! Funny, isn’t it? Who would have thought I’d be standing in front of the mirror questioning my image like a psychotic lady? My critical hazel eyes look me over. Dad is right. My hair is the color of my eyes. He’s right.
I look through my eyes into the vapor of my air of personality. I don’t see it. Wait, yes, I do. It’s in my messy carelessly curled hair. It’s in my neatly brushed eyebrows. It’s in the nonexistent gaps between my teeth. It’s in the raise of my left eyebrow. It’s in the necklace hanging around my neck. It’s in the earrings I sleep in when I’m lazy. It’s in that second pierce that my dad doesn’t like. It’s in the light hair-like scar to the left of my lips. Imperfections?
I close my eyes. I really think I should get to know me better. How did I let an emotional turmoil rock my solid undeniable knowledge of every aspect of who I am? I let it. That’s right. I did. It’s me who always wants a new experience even if it hurts. I unmerge my top and bottom lashes only to stare back at myself.
I realize that not everything about how I am is in how I look. I smile. I question my happiness. That’s it. I’m not happy anymore. I’m not completely content. This is what I’m so depressed about. I cover my right eye with my hand. That’s more like it. I’m only happy with half of the image in front of me, or is it what’s behind this image? Is it the abstract personality that I can see in every feature of my form. Strange. What has changed?

24 Responses to “"Am I?"”

  1. 1 Vixen

    I don’t think its the mirror you need to be looking at dear : ) you can find more accurate reflections of yourself elsewhere ..

  2. 2 Amethyst

    Nothing does it for me like a mirror.. Any suggestions?:)

  3. 3 Big Pearls

    Amethyst, what happenned to you?!

  4. 4 Amethyst

    Big Pearls
    I don’t know. Things went wrong, I guess. El7emdillah:)

  5. 5 G and L

    people have hobbies to make them happy or to make their pain more tolerable. I think ur hobby is writing and ur fantastic;)

  6. 6 Amethyst

    G and L
    It is, along with dancing.. Thank you:)

  7. 7 FourMe

    Girlie girlie oh girliee.. take it from someone who’s been there done that. Get yourself out of this turmoil ASAP cuz if you don’t you will be so lost in it that you won’t be able to leave it..I hope you find you’re way out of it soon.. for your sake I hope you do

  8. 8 Amethyst

    I will with time:)


  9. 9 F.

    You write beautifully…

    I think I only know two people who are worth publishing. One of them is you.

    Keep at it…you’re great!

  10. 10 Amethyst

    Thank you:)

    :O! That’s too big of a compliment;$

    I will. Thanks, hun;*

  11. 11 Grey

    Depressing ! i mean the cartoon.

  12. 12 eshda3wa

    uve been down for too long

    ur last few posts were so sad

    its time you start working on being happy again

    i dont like seeing u like this


  13. 13 Bulletii

    and i say it again..


  14. 14 Moniker

    It’s in the nonexistent gaps between my teeth

    especially loved that bit

    i wonder if anybody has ever been completely happy and content

  15. 15 um-miT3ib

    wenta kila staring w gazing?

  16. 16 N.

    *glances at you…*




  17. 17 Kaos

    Add my vote to eshda3wa
    Your happiness matters most

  18. 18 Amethyst


    The script will be flipped soon enough:)


    Hehe.. If Poshlust had feelings, it would be in love with you;p


    Yeah, I have! And I mean COMPLETELY happy and content:)

    Yeah, it’s the sense I use the most;p

    What do you see?

    I’ve made a mental note:)

  19. 19 Té la mà Maria - Reus

    very good blog, congratulations
    regard from Catalonia Spain
    thank you

  20. 20 N.

    I see something good, but I’ll keep the details for later.. much later perhaps.

  21. 21 kella met2a5er

    I like the way you wrote this post, but seriously..STEP AWAY FROM THE MIRROR….NOW ;p

  22. 22 Amethyst

    Yeah? I’ll harass you into telling me soon;p

    Kella Met2a5er
    Lol, I will;p

  23. 23 manutdfanatic

    *blink blink*

    You are part of the paparazzi that’s been hounding me. Go away. =P

    On a more serious note; you seem to be evaluating yourself. That, my dear sister, is good. It is tedious, quite tedious as I have come to know, yet you’ll see how golden it is in the long run.

    This shall pass. *hug*

    See? I even hugged you. Hugs make things better remember? =P

  24. 24 Amethyst

    Lol! Paparazzi don’t give up;p

    Hopefully, it’ll be as golden as I’m wishing for it to be.


    I never forget that:)

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