Aj & The Stage

28Jun08

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

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Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

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I walk in wearing an oriental wrap dress and my favorite shoes. My hair is up in a comfortable easy updo. My bangs line my forehead. Eyeliner and gold eyeshadow accent my eyes. I smile at myself in the mirror, ignoring the migraine. I walk into the room filled with people. Familiar and unfamiliar faces look my way. I smile wider and begin formalities and pleasantries.

I nod at the right time, asking appropriate questions about the daughter that gave birth or the sister that got married. I listen to the details that don’t really matter to me. I take my place next to my friend, whispering in her ear that I’m going to leave early. She turns to face me, and I remind her that I have another lunch to go to.

I cross my legs and straighten my back. I answer questions about myself, hoping that I won’t be asked about anyone else. Soon, we are all sitting at the table eating lunch. I play with my food as they talk about men who have done women wrong and vice versa. I’m angered by such discussions. They don’t know enough to discuss these personal issues. No matter how many details they gather, what goes on in the house between two people who are alone is another matter. Shouldn’t they be experienced enough to know that?

I stay quiet, refusing to comment on any of the social talk/gossip that is being said. Two and a half hours later, I change my dress and leave. This time, I walk in wearing the same shoes but a different light summer dress. I smile as I apologize for not being able to come earlier. I hug, kiss, and playfully slap. I lay back on the sofa, kicking off my shoes.

I listen to their gossip without commenting while devouring a plate of brownies. Then, I shift the conversation to something else. Something that doesn’t concern people I don’t care about. Three hours later, I leave to my aunt’s house.

I rush in breathless, hoping I have arrived before the awaited guests. Relief. I have. Just as I finish freshening up, the door bell rings. I make sure everything is set right and open the door. Another series of smiles and formalities.

I sit through the conversations, only present physically. I can no longer digest anything, whether physically or mentally. I stare at a spot on the wall and meditate to clear my head, realizing that the migraine is still there. When the guests leave, I leave.

As soon as I get home, I look at my bed. Tempted to throw myself upon it, I give it my back and reach for my textbook.

That is yesterday. Social Obligations Day. They love your company, you have to go. They come to all our social events, you have to go. They invite you by name, you have to go. They ask about you every time you’re not there, you have to go. And so it is.. I go.

When I finally had two minutes for myself, I realized that I would rather deal with academic obligations than social ones. And that doesn’t make me weird. At all.

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