Laish ma tebtasmain?

Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic
Cyanide & Happiness @

Waiting patiently for the results of the elections…

I sit cross-legged on my bed surrounded with marked books, newspaper clippings, and papers. I go through them one by one, willing myself to comprehend the world. A motorcycle accident I witnessed years ago flashes through my mind when I glance at the article. An article about how people prefer “The Road Not Taken” triggers a series of thirsty questions. A book about a lady Burned Alive in her own country due to social chains brings to mind the many that have gone and are going through what she has. And then, I remember a book that I never got back, One Hundred Years of Solitude, and I smile at the magic of Macondo. I turn to the piles of paper, and I hesitate. I pick one up.

I read something I wrote ages ago. I am the same different person, now. Funny how the pages tell me that I was lost back then, as well. In a different way, of course. I pick another paper up. It ends with “Why not?” I remember the many times I said that in order to justify my reading. I pick another paper up. A definition of beauty. That hasn’t changed. Slight alterations in my choice of words. I pick another one up. I blink twice. I smile. I tear up. I still smile.

I can never forget those days. The days I was challenged to answer questions about my existence, my life, and my purpose. Each question is written with a sophisticated hand. Then, the answer. The answers. Like the rules demanded, in blue or black ink. No corrections. If a thought seems incomplete, put a period. Go on. Don’t scratch things out. Leave them the way they are. This way, I’ll learn who I am. I read them all. Every single word.

I haven’t changed. Not really.

21 Responses to “Laish ma tebtasmain?”

  1. 1 Hasan.B


  2. 2 Amethyst


  3. 3 jesterat314

    Really really?

  4. 4 BizyLizy

    Your reflections remind me of my own.

    Here, I am thinking I have grown and matured in the course of 39 years, yet one reading of my high school diaries, and I’m thinking…

    not so much.

    Well, maybe a teensy weensy little bit. But not so much.


  5. 5 Kaos

    I feel am lucky to get this opportunity to read your writings. Apparantly you should publish them more since you have so many fans already 🙂

  6. 6 Amethyst

    Really really.


    Exactly, it’s those documents of change that show us that there is no change.


    Thank you:)

    Let’s hope I get a book published before I head to the grave;p

  7. 7 Big Pearls

    I miss having breakfast:p

  8. 8 Amethyst

    Big Pearls
    Stop missing it. Eat breakfast.

  9. 9 F.

    I agree with Kaos.

    …and when it happens I want a dedication! ;P

  10. 10 Moniker

    i hate reading things that i thought/wrote years ago when i was younger. it embarrasses me :p

  11. 11 Amethyst

    Hehe, let’s hope it happens:)

    It shouldn’t embarrass you. It’s a definition of your identity;)

  12. 12 FourMe

    isn’t there a post missing ? or am I hallucinating!

  13. 13 Amethyst

    A post missing where? Post about what ya3ni?

    I think you’re hallucinating;p

  14. 14 Anoosa

    ur writings somehow reminds me of the the inner me that not any1 in this world knows and then just then a tear springs in my eyes bur nobody sees its still my inner self…

  15. 15 Amethyst

    This blog is the revelation of everything I am, and sometimes, we should let our inner selves shine through:)

  16. 16 FourMe

    yes I was hallucinating, it was the post before this post that I thought it was missing, ma3alaih elkobir shain :p

  17. 17 Amethyst

    Lol! Okay;p

  18. 18 N.

    Your posts, to me, are your titled. :p

    You used to smile a lot when you were younger?

  19. 19 Amethyst


    I still smile a lot. I just don’t smile 24/7 for no reason;p

  20. 20 Soul

    Yeah! we hardly change at core.

    ~ Soul

  21. 21 Amethyst

    So, you go with the corner stone theory when it comes to identity?

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